When Will I?

As Memorial Day and your Birthday are getting closer I keep having questions continually flood my mind. I thought I would write them down to get them out of my head for a while.

When will I stop having dreams that you're still alive? So alive that when I wake up, reality overcomes me and leaves me feeling disappointed that you were so close. The dreams are so real-we have conversations; your voice sounds so clear and distinct. Will your voice begin to fade?

When will I have a relationship with Gregory like I did with you? When he gets married? That won't be forever. When he gets over the teenage stage? He may be my "big" brother but he will never be my older brother.

When will I stop feeling bad about all the mean things I ever said and did to you? You know I was just a bratty, teenage, little sister right? I wish I could tell you sorry in person.

When will Mom and Dad truly be happy again? When will that hole be filled? What can I do?

When will all the memories I have of you begin to fade away? When I grow old without you-will I still remember the little things you told me- like when you told me you wanted to name your first little boy Lincoln so you could call him "link"

When will I have kids? Will they have already met their Uncle Erik while they were in Heaven? I hope so. You would have been the best Uncle...

When will I get to see you again? A year and a half has gone by and it feels like it's been forever. I wish I knew the exact date of the Second Coming so I could count down. Will it really be 2012 like some say? That movie freaked me out.

When will I fully understand why all of this has happened?

When will I?